Unbuckled
by Bryan Reynolds
SCENE 1: PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO -- AFTERNOON
(Facing the audience, LAURA, a glamour photographer, directs
three models (unseen) as she photographs them. Dance music
enhances the action.)
LAURA
Yes ... Perfect ... Keep moving ... Don't
stop ... Ginger, keep your head up. Nice.
Excellent Pedro. Marc, you're on fire.
Yes, yes, fabulous.
(Laura continues to shoot.)
LAURA (cont'd)
The three of you are so hot! Yes. Yes.
It's all good. Go Marc. That's it. Now
Pedro and Ginger move in on Marc. Dance
with him. You're with him ... That's it.
You've got him. He loves it.
(Laura's mobile phone rings, and she pauses to answer it.)
LAURA (cont'd)
Excuse me. Excuse me everyone.
(The music stops.)
LAURA (cont'd)
(into the phone)
Hello, this is Laura ... Who? ...
Michael? (Aside.) Fuck.
SCENE 2: STREET OUTSIDE WASABI BAR -- LATE AFTERNOON
(Preoccupied as she walks home, Laura encounters AUTUMN,
Wasabi's bartender.)
AUTUMN
Hey stranger.
LAURA
Oh, hey, um--
AUTUMN
Autumn, you know, your "favorite
bartender" -- at Wasabi.
LAURA
Yeah, of course, I'm sorry. How's it
going?
AUTUMN
Great, groovy -- for you? ... Obviously
not for you. What's up?
LAURA
Nothing, really.
AUTUMN
Boyfriend troubles?
LAURA
Yeah, sort of, but not with Keith -- my
boyfriend -- not yet. My ex-boyfriend is
in town for one night, and wants to have
drinks with me.
AUTUMN
Oh, that could be fun, or interesting.
But this bothers you, or Keith?
LAURA
I don't know.
AUTUMN
So, it's you that doesn't want to be, or
wants to be, bothered?
LAURA
I don't know -- not sure. Seeing Michael
could be really -- um --
AUTUMN
Tempting?
LAURA
(defensively)
No. Really difficult.
AUTUMN
I'll tell you what -- bring the ex to
Wasabi. Tonight's slow, so I can keep an
eye on things.
LAURA
Really?
AUTUMN
You betcha.
LAURA
It might be more than just difficult to
see him, but I want to. I feel that I
need to.
AUTUMN
Then you do.
LAURA
I do.
AUTUMN
Yep, you do. Catch you later.
(Autumn walks off.)
LAURA
See you ... tonight.
SCENE 3: LAURA AND KEITH'S APARTMENT -- LATER
(KEITH, a professor of English literature, sits on the couch.
He rests his feet on a coffee table, on which there are two
red-wine glasses (one is filled with wine), a bottle of red
wine, a bong, a cordless telephone, and a remote control for
the stereo (the stereo is out of sight). He is reading Michel
Foucault's Discipline and Punish. He puts the book down, sips
his wine, picks up the remote, points down stage, and
presses. Soft music comes on (jazz or classical). He takes a
bong hit (or hit off a pipe) and settles comfortably into the
couch. He listens, with great appreciation for the music. He
is waiting for someone.
Suddenly, and somewhat nervously and in a rush, Laura enters.
She begins to remove her clothing immediately as she talks to
Keith, leaving items of clothing strewn about the living
room.)
LAURA
Hi, sorry I'm so late. Today was just
really hectic.
KEITH
No problem. I've been reading. Just
relaxing.
LAURA
I'm really sorry I'm late.
KEITH
It's okay.
LAURA
I wanted to get home sooner. I wanted to
talk with you about Michael calling me at
work today.
KEITH
Uh.
(Keith lifts up the remote control and turns down the volume
on the stereo. Laura removes her shirt, etc., and exits out
of sight, where she changes into dressier clothes. She
continues to talk as she does this, but with a louder voice,
as from the other room. While she's speaking, Keith gets up
from the couch, gathers up Laura's clothing, and returns to
the couch, where he neatly folds the clothes before putting
them on the coffee table.)
LAURA
He's in town for just one night, and he
asked me to have drinks with him.
KEITH
Oh yeah?
LAURA
I felt bad. It's been over a year since
I've seen him. Last time was when I
bumped into him and his wife at Heathrow
Airport. That was really awkward.
KEITH
You told me.
LAURA
It was horrible. Anyway, I'd like to go.
You could come too. Would you mind if we
went?
KEITH
I'm pretty beat. I taught my seminar
today on Marlowe and witchcraft, and
there was this crazy born-again Christian
in the class who claims that George W. is
a modern-day witch hunter, an exorcist
sent by God to rid the world of evil--
LAURA
Well, would you mind if I went, then?
KEITH
Go ahead.
LAURA
I'm already running late, so I gotta go
now. I'm sorry. Can you tell me about the
born-again later?
(Laura re-enters, dressed to kill. She notices the folded
clothes, but chooses to ignore them.)
KEITH
(noticing her attire)
Looks like the plan was already made?
LAURA
It was, but it's still breakable.
KEITH
You're ditching me to go on a date with
your old boyfriend?
LAURA
I'm not ditching you.
KEITH
So, let me guess, you're meeting him at a
steak house or a sports bar -- aren't
those the kinds of places you guys used
to go to?
LAURA
We're going to Wasabi. (Keith looks
wounded.) It's no big deal, really. And
he's not that bad. I'd just like to see
him. I was with him for three years,
remember?
KEITH
While he was with his wife, right?
LAURA
They were separated. They got separated.
KEITH
So, you're taking him to Wasabi -- to
meet our favorite bartender -- it's
Tuesday?
LAURA
Don't be silly. Look, this is really
nothing. Like I said, you can come -- if
you want. It's not like he doesn't know
I'm with you, living with you. Come
along, if you want.
KEITH
You're sure?
LAURA
Sure. It wouldn't matter.
KEITH
Okay, I'll come.
LAURA
Really?
KEITH
There's no one else here for me to hang
out with, and I've got nothing else to
do.
LAURA
You sure? You still have all those papers
to grade.
KEITH
What papers?
LAURA
The coffee colored ones stuck to the
kitchen table.
KEITH
Oh yeah. But I'd rather meet Michael.
LAURA
Really? You really want to come?
KEITH
Yes.
LAURA
You'd like to meet Michael?
KEITH
Yes.
LAURA
Since when? Are you joking?
KEITH
It'll be really nice to him. We can talk
about cigars or golf or football or the
stock market.
LAURA
Stop making fun of--
KEITH
No, really, it'll be great. I promise.
LAURA
It will be awkward.
KEITH
(still relaxed on the couch)
Are you retracting your offer?
LAURA
No.
KEITH
It'll be fine. It'll definitely be
interesting.
LAURA
Well, I'll have to call him at the hotel.
I need to prepare him -- that's only
fair.
KEITH
(picking the phone up and
giving it to her)
Yes. Of course. Call him.
LAURA
(taking out her mobile phone)
That's okay, I've got the hotel number on
my cell.
(She calls. Waits.)
LAURA (cont'd)
Hi. Could I have Michael Grant's room
please? ... No that's okay. (To Keith.)
He left already.
KEITH
Try his mobile.
LAURA
Okay.
(She calls. Waits.)
LAURA (cont'd)
No answer. I could leave a message?
KEITH
No. Don't bother.
LAURA
So, I guess we'll just have to surprise
him, and see what--
KEITH
Forget it. I'll stay home.
LAURA
Really? Okay. Well, I'll call you.
KEITH
Okay. When?
LAURA
Oh, about every hour or so--
KEITH
Really?
LAURA
No. But I will call you. I just want you
to feel alright, and included, because
you are.
KEITH
I am? Okay, call me. I'll be here.
LAURA
(leaning to kiss him)
I'll call. Okay?
KEITH
(getting up, kissing her)
Talk to you soon.
LAURA
Yes. I love you.
KEITH
I love you too. See ya. (Just as she
exits.) Have fun!
SCENE 4: WASABI BAR/LAURA AND KEITH'S APARTMENT -- EVENING
(Both locations are visible.
Wasabi's decor is trendy industrial but warm, even romantic.
Lounge music plays quietly in the background. Laura and
MICHAEL are sitting at a table drinking martinis. They've
already had a couple.
Keith is sitting, as before, on the couch, reading Discipline
and Punish. But now he also has a box of cereal on the table
from which he occasionally eats. He also occasionally sips
his wine and, at some point, takes another bong hit.)
MICHAEL
You alright?
LAURA
Yeah. I'm fine.
MICHAEL
You think I don't care about what's going
on in your life.
LAURA
Pretty much, yep.
MICHAEL
I do. I'm listening. You said your job is
going great, and, well, of course I want
to know all about him. Tell me, now that
we've talked about me for awhile.
LAURA
(playfully)
You don't want us to talk about you
anymore?
MICHAEL
As if you were actually paying attention
to what I was saying.
LAURA
What are you talking about? Do I look
absent?
MICHAEL
Just not so present, a little indifferent
-- if you really want to know.
(As Laura and Michael talk, Keith prepares to masturbate,
taking out a porn magazine or putting on a porn film,
changing the lights, etc. Keith is perhaps facing the
audience with a television blocking his crotch.)
LAURA
So I need to prove to you that I was
listening -- that I'm here. This is just
like old times. How fun.
MICHAEL
Sure, prove it. I love it when you get
like this, all ego-invested. It's really
sexy, you know? You're sexiest when
you've got a purpose.
LAURA
A "purpose"? Alright then, sexy I'll be.
Let's see. You're doing better than ever.
Of course you are.
MICHAEL
Of course.
(Michael stands, taking Laura by the hand, and dances slowly
with her.)
LAURA
You got promoted. Ra, ra. You're now one
of the company's many vice presidents.
You made over three-hundred thousand
dollars last year. Woo whoo.
MICHAEL
About four-hundred thousand.
LAURA
Your golf game is topnotch -- handicap of
three. You even beat some pro. How am I
doing? Am I turning you on?
MICHAEL
Go on.
(Keith masturbates.)
LAURA
You love Miami. It's the best. And only
the best for you will do.
MICHAEL
We bought a new house on the
intercoastal.
LAURA
Right. And your relationship with your
daughter is extraordinary. It's the best
too. (Pause.)
MICHAEL
Yeah. And?
LAURA
And? Oh, you did the right thing -- you
returned to your horrible marriage with
Jane so that you could be the father you
were supposed to be, the father your
father expected you to be -- but never
was himself. And the bonus. Jane finally
got those breast implants, the ones you
always dreamed of. What a consolation
prize. (Short pause.) So, what are they
like? You must carry a picture of them
around with you. You do. I know you do.
MICHAEL
I do.
LAURA
Yes. Can I see them? Please? She was
wearing too much at Heathrow. Come on,
show them to me.
(Laura lets go of Michael and stops dancing.
Michael nonchalantly takes a photograph out of his wallet.)
LAURA (cont'd)
I knew it.
(Keith focuses on his own porno stimuli.)
MICHAEL
(handing the photo to her)
Okay. Here you go. Knock yourself out.
LAURA
Oh my God! They're gigantic! How in the
world does she lug those things around
with her? Don't tell me, you hired a
human bra, a little Cuban woman that
holds them up from behind, walking behind
her wherever she goes -- to the club,
and, to the club, and -- to the club.
Where else? Oh, the salon. (Short pause.)
How does she sleep with them? And with
you? In the same bed? Do you still need
pillows?
MICHAEL
Okay. That's enough. You freak. You're
right. They're just a little -- okay huge
-- consolation for getting back together
with her. It's true. I admit it.
LAURA
You're a jerk. Really pathetic. You know,
she had really nice breasts. Aren't you
even the slightest bit embarrassed? Now
she's a spectacle. And you, Michael,
you're a pig. (She laughs.)
MICHAEL
(smiling)
Well, if I'm a pig, then you're the most
beautiful pig-fucker I've ever met.
(Pause.) You know, I really miss you.
LAURA
I miss you too.
(Michael leans into Laura, as if to kiss her. Laura responds
by backing away. She sits back down at the table, taking a
swig from her drink.
Keith continues masturbating.)
MICHAEL
(recovering)
So, tell me more about your "beau."
What's his name again -- Theodore?
(Michael sits down at the table.)
LAURA
Keith. His name is Keith. How many times
do I have to tell you?
MICHAEL
Right. Keith.
LAURA
I'm not a pig-fucker anymore, even if you
are still a pig. Once a pig-fucker
doesn't mean always a pig-fucker. At
least I'm not a dog-fucker like Jane--
MICHAEL
Come on. Let's not go there.
LAURA
Keith is amazing. You should be happy for
me: I'm in love with him. You probably
wouldn't like him. He's very different
from you, from anyone I've ever met,
really. He's from New York. He's from
this great family -- the nicest people,
all highly-educated. He's Jewish, but not
religious--
MICHAEL
So what's he do?
LAURA
He's an English professor. And a poet.
He's a wonderful poet. You'd like his
poetry. And, I swear, he's got insight
into everything, from movies to art to
rock music. He understands and
appreciates me -- as I am. He's not
afraid to give me space.
He doesn't discourage me to pursue my own
interests. He's not afraid of my
femininity.
MICHAEL
What are you talking about? I wasn't
afraid of your femininity.
LAURA
Yes you were.
MICHAEL
That's ridiculous.
LAURA
Really? What about that time when I used
my menstrual blood to draw lightning
bolts shooting from my vagina down the
inside of my thighs and up my abdomen?
MICHAEL
That was when you refused to make dinner;
and you ran around the house screaming,
"My power is in my pussy -- watch out!"
LAURA
I knew you were afraid. With Keith, I can
do that any time.
MICHAEL
I'm sure you can. You know, I'm a poet
too -- remember? I've written lots of
poetry. And I'm writing a novel. So, why
wouldn't I like him?
LAURA
(with subtle lament)
He's not wild like you: he wouldn't--
MICHAEL
I may not be the sharpest knife in the
drawer, but I'm not exactly an idiot. I
was a journalism major, and I do have an
MBA, and not just any MBA--
LAURA
You're still writing that novel? Sweetie,
I know you're a poet, and a writer. (More
sincerely.) You wrote me beautiful,
romantic poetry, and letters.
MICHAEL
I sure did.
LAURA
After you went back to Jane, I would read
your poems over and over again, trying to
understand how you could say the things
you said and not mean them. How could you
mean them one day and not the next?
MICHAEL
Look, I meant every word, Laura, always.
I always meant what I said--
LAURA
I used to carry your poems and letters
around with me. I read them all the time.
I even memorized some.
MICHAEL
You were always memorizing something--
LAURA
There was one I carried with me until the
paper fell apart.
MICHAEL
Laura, come on -- don't be so dramatic.
LAURA
It goes like this--
MICHAEL
You've got to be kidding.
LAURA
Yeah, I'm just kidding. Like you Michael,
always kidding.
(Laura's crying. She stares at Michael for a moment, hoping
for some kind of verbal or physical response. Michael finally
puts his hands on her, but she immediately walks off,
exiting. Autumn observes this.
Keith cums, enjoyably.
After a few seconds, the bartender Autumn walks over to
Michael.)
AUTUMN
Excuse me. Would you like another drink,
or some munchies.
MICHAEL
What? Oh yeah, food. Good idea.
AUTUMN
(probing)
You probably want to wait for your
girlfriend. Didja want another--
MICHAEL
My who?
AUTUMN
Your whoever?
MICHAEL
She's not my girlfriend -- anymore.
(Keith kicks back, relaxing.)
AUTUMN
Oh. I'm sorry. You didn't just--
MICHAEL
No, we split up two years ago. Tonight,
well, we're just catching up, torturing
each other, you know how it is--
AUTUMN
Why would I know?
MICHAEL
I, I don't know, I just figured--
AUTUMN
Figured what?
MICHAEL
Well, I thought -- (Deciding not to
pursue Autumn's line of questioning.)
It's actually very sad. I couldn't be at
two places at once, live two lives. I
have a daughter -- Amy.
AUTUMN
And a wife?
MICHAEL
(hesitantly)
Yes.